GREAT Grandparents

This is one of my favorite pictures. It's all of my kids with my Grandpa and Grandma Greer (my mom's parents), and was taken on Christmas. I love them so much and I am glad that I live close enough to see them whenever I want/have time. It is important to me that my kids know who they are and have a relationship with them, because they have been such huge influences on me, especially my grandma. I am truly blessed that both of my sets of grandparents live here, and they are all still alive. I know how rare that is among people my age. That was my biggest motivation behind moving to Arizona.

Standing

Somebody thinks he's a big boy and has started standing . . . .

Hayden has been slow to stand or walk, but if I had 6 kids to carry me around all day and do whatever I wanted, I don't think I would be in such a hurry either. He still doesn't stand a whole bunch, and won't walk unless you hold his hand, but he is making progress and I can tell that it won't be long. It's ok, I already have 6 kids walking/running around the house. I am perfectly fine to wait as long as he wants.

"Helping" unpack.

Hanging out in the backyard.

Freeways and Body Shops

I thought about going to bed early, but I had to throw in a load of laundry for tomorrow so I guess I am up until it's ready to go to the dryer.

Today I had to take John's car in to the shop so they could start fixing it. The weekend before we moved to Arizona, John got in a car accident. He was driving down State Street in Orem, and as he went to turn left a northbound car ran a red light and he ended up getting in an accident with another car. Of course we weren't able to take care of it before we moved, so I had to drive it down here looking all ghetto with my tore up car like I don't know how to drive. I told John I was going to put a sign on it that said "My husband did this". Haha! I didn't really, because it would have just blown off on the freeway anyway.

So this morning I was totally brainless. I woke up and remembered that I would need my drivers license to pick up the rental car. Then I remembered that my wallet was in the suburban. Great. So I called John to ask him what I should do, and ended up having to head out to the Mayo Clinic to pick up my wallet. This was scary for 2 reasons: 1. I had never driven there before and 2. I hadn't even driven on the freeway by myself yet. On the way here, John and I drove caravan style, and we had walkie talkies to talk to each other the whole way. So this was my first time braving the very confusing freeways all by myself. In rush hour traffic, no less. I finally made it there, with only a couple minor anxiety attacks, and easily found my truck and was back on the road. As I was driving home, for some reason I was thinking about my debit card being in the back pocket of my jeans. This is when my scatterbrained self decided to remember that my drivers license had been in my back pocket the whole time, along with my card. Really? Like I couldn't have thought of that 2 hours prior?Needless to say, I totally didn't tell John. He doesn't need to know I'm that retarded. Seriously.

The rental car we ended up getting is really lame. I will just say that I am SO glad that I don't have to drive it. I mean, I am glad that we are getting it so cheap, but really I don't think they could have found a more basic car. I found it funny that it doesn't have power ANYTHING, yet I saw it had an ipod outlet. So, no power windows or locks, but you can plug an ipod in. Sigh. Anyway, good thing we just need it for John to drive to work. Hopefully he won't be as uncomfortable as I was driving it. I think his normal car is uncomfortable to drive (hate the seats) but this car might have his beat. Maybe I just hate small cars. It's been about 8 years since I have had a car, as opposed to a minivan or suburban. I love my suburban so much. I feel so much safer, because it's so big. It has definitely improved my anxiety while I'm driving, because when I'm driving around town, I feel like anyone who hits me is going to do way more damage to their own car than they are to me. The freeway is another story. I am still terrified of all the drivers on the freeway. I was pretty proud of myself for driving all the way to John's work and back today in his car and not totally freaking out.

Up

Things are starting to be a little better around here. I am feeling a little more up. I am still struggling with my depression, but it isn't as bad. It is something I have struggled with my whole life, so it's not like it's going to go away completely, but I am having fewer days where I want to cry and stay in bed, so I guess it's progress. I'm trying to be upbeat, and talk with friends when I am really feeling down. I know that it also probably helped that John was home today. I think part of my struggle is that I got used to having John home all the time when he was out of work, so now that he is back to work I am lonely. I am even more lonely because Amelia is at my parent's house in California, and I am used to her being around keeping me company while the other kids are at school. Oh well, I guess that's good practice for when she starts school next year. I talked to her tonight on Windows Live with video chat. I swear I am so lame, I don't know why I didn't think of that before last night. I could have been video chatting with her this whole last month! It was great to see her little silliness in person while I was talking to her. I miss her so much!! I keep telling myself that she is enjoying playing with and getting spoiled by grandma and grandpa, but I really can't wait 'til the 21st when she comes home! I am just going to squeeze her guts when she gets here!! She was super excited when I told her that we set up her brand new bunk bed this week. The look on her face was priceless, so I'm glad I waited to tell her 'til we did the video chat.

We were slackers and ended up getting pizza tonight. My mom would laugh if she read that, because she says we are always having pizza. Surprisingly we hadn't had it in a couple weeks, so I actually wanted to eat it. I guess it sounds better when John isn't suggesting it like every other day. Ha!

Since today is Saturday, I got to have John home all day with me. While I was asleep, he moved my elliptical into the guest bedroom and out of the hall. It had been sitting in the hall between the guest bedroom and the office, because the movers couldn't get it through the doorway, and supposedly they weren't allowed to take doors off. Whatever. I will probably end up moving it into the office, but not until I get a real bed for the guest bedroom. Right now we just have an air mattress, because we sold the one we had in Utah. It's not like anyone will be staying at our house in the near future anyway. Everyone wants to come here and stay at my grandparents house, even though they haven't seen us in forever either and we have WAY more room at our house.

Anyway, we also hung up all of my pictures and shelves all over the house, and I have most of my decor up. The living room is 100% unpacked. It looks really nice in there now. It's really late, so I will post pictures tomorrow. I figure since it's taking so long to get the house in order I can just blog the pics and updates as I finish each room.

We also found a couch that we might buy. We are going to look at it after church tomorrow. The lady is selling it for her daughter, who is in the hospital having health problems, so she can only show it at certain times when the landlord can let her in. It is light brown, and it's a sectional. It looks really nice. Right now we don't have any couches in the family room. We sold a lot of our bigger/heavier furniture before we moved and we got rid of the old family room couches because they were really old and since they were dual recliners they were REALLY heavy. John's work paid our moving costs, up to 12,000 lbs. so we wanted to lighten our load, since we would have to pay any overages. Anyway, I hope they are in nice condition, and as neutral colored as they look in the pictures, because it would really be nice to not watch tv sitting at the kitchen table.

Tomorrow is stake conference. It is different here. We all go to our own buildings and it is broadcast from the stake center. I am looking forward to it, because they always have really good talks at stake conference, but I'm not looking forward to it because it's like trying to get my kids to behave through 2 hours of sacrament meeting. You would think that since they are all getting older, they would have an easier time sitting still and paying attention, but apparently not.

Also, tomorrow afternoon the bishop and his counselors are coming over. I don't know why. I assume it's because we're new and they want to come meet us. I haven't had them come over in any of our other wards. My bishop in my last ward only really talked to me once in the year I lived there, and I lived next door!

The End of My Rope

Yesterday I decided to brave my way to Target. I am slowly finding my way around here. Unlike John, who has the GPS, I have to just wander around until I find where I am going. I have figured out several of the main roads that will get you just about anywhere, so I have started wandering off of those roads, keeping in mind my location in relation to them so I can find my way back. I haven't gotten lost yet.

Anyway, Hayden and I went to Target. I needed to get out of the house, and they always have good deals. I got a book that was REALLY good. It's called "The Other Mothers' Club" by Samantha Baker. I couldn't put it down, and finished it last night. It is fiction, and is about friends that become, or are in the process of becoming, stepmothers, and their support of each other. It was really good, and some of the drama I could totally relate to. John and I are what people would consider a "blended family", and we've been together 6 years. Although I don't consider myself a stepmother (since the boys were so little when John and I got married, and I am their ONLY mother) I could relate to a lot of the drama the main character had with her 13 year old step-daughter to be. The only difference was that since it was a book, of course they were able to find a way to work through their issues and get along.

I have had a lot of major drama with Tyler (12). Not with him specifically going at me, but with his behavior being out of control in general. At home, and everywhere we go - ESPECIALLY at school. It is getting ridiculous. In the last week since being at his new school he has 1. sat there and refused to take notes during science and history, 2. given total attitude to the music teacher for telling him not to run in the halls and to come back and walk, 3. not turned in ANY homework, 4. lied and said he didn't have homework because they do all their work during class, 5. googled playboy in computer lab while he was supposed to be looking up information on Plato for a class report. Are you freaking kidding me?? I am ready to just strangle him, and so is John. I know that some people would be like, "Oh he's at a new school and he's having trouble adjusting" blah, blah, blah. The truth is, he has had behavior problems like this at school since kindergarten. Last year my husband and I were actually meeting weekly with him, the vice-principal and his teacher because his behavior was so out of control. Talking back, refusing to do work, picking on/beating up other kids, lying, kicked a yard duty (seriously???), etc. The list goes on, and on, and on, adding new bad things each year. It's like each school year he's like, hmmm what could I do to be bad that I haven't tried yet? On top of that, he is being a total jerk hole to the other kids when he's home. Bossing them, picking on them, beating up his brothers, even hurting his 1 year old brother. It has gotten to the point that I don't even want him in my house. I swear I don't know what we're going to do with him. Right now he's on total restriction. That means school, homework, and nothing else. No scouts, no young mens, no extracurricular school activities he wanted to participate in like band or running club, NOTHING until he starts behaving like a decent human being. He's also not allowed to even touch Hayden, and if he even starts with the other kids I just immediately send him to his room. Period. No warnings. If that doesn't work, I don't know what our next step is, but I have a feeling it is going to be something involving removing him from this house. For the safety of the other kids, if nothing else. John and I have looked into in-patient behavior programs in the past. Looks like we might need to start doing that again.

Depression and Change of Scenery

Well, we've been in Arizona for a whole week now. I would like to say it has been an amazing experience, but that would be a lie. I feel so frustrated.

Before moving here, John and I both felt impressed that this was the right place for us, and that he should take the job at the Mayo Clinic. His new job paid for us to come out here and house hunt for 4 days, and we found the house that was THE house. The whole time we were packing up and gearing up to leave Utah and come out here we were excited and positive. However, as soon as we got out here something changed. I can't pinpoint it, or say what it is. I just don't feel at home here. Maybe it's because I haven't lived here since I was 9, so it's not familiar to me (other than visiting family) or maybe it's just that I don't really have any friends here or know where anything is. I don't know what it is. I feel like it's swallowing me.

I try not to say anything to John because I don't want to sound like a whiny, spoiled brat. I mean John has an amazing job, we have a HUGE, gorgeous house, my kids are adjusting to their new school well and love their teachers, the weather is beautiful (the kids had to unpack their summer clothes), my entire extended family lives within about 40 minutes of me, our new ward is nice, and Holly (my childhood best friend from when I used to live here) lives about 3 minutes away. Looking at that list, it sounds like a dream come true - but the depression is killing me. I have had days where I could literally sit and cry and not even get dressed or get out of bed. I don't know what is wrong with me. I still have a ton of stuff in boxes. More than I should, considering that I am just home with Hayden all day and there's not really anything else for me to do. I just don't care. I don't want to unpack all our crap. I haven't even felt motivated to unpack all the decor, and hang up all our pictures and everything. Usually when we move into a new house the very first thing I do is decorate it, so it doesn't feel naked while I'm unpacking. This time I haven't even bothered.

On Friday I went to Deseret Book for a little bit. It was a tiny one, like the one in Lehi, but it was nice to be somewhere where I felt like I belonged and where I love to go. I bought a couple new cd's to try to help lift my spirits, and a new book that I am about half way through. It's called "In Trying Times, Just Keep Trying" by Merrilee Boyack. She is one of my favorite speakers, and I have been privileged to be able to hear her speak several times. This book is not as light hearted as her other material, but it has sure resonated with me. I am really glad I got it. I have also really enjoyed the cd's. I got the new Mercy River cd, and another one I forget the name of that is a compilation cd that I have the first one of. They are both great. I will come back and add the name of the second cd when I look at it next. Anyway, they have helped some, but I still really feel overcome with depression. I know that depression is something that I have struggled with in the past, and I have even been on medication for it, but I feel like this is different. Like the life has been sucked out of me. I don't know what to even say or do. I just know that I hope I can figure a way to get out of this funk soon, because there is so much to do around here and not getting it done is stressing me out almost as much as doing it.

The Job

Yesterday John accepted the job at the Mayo Clinic Hospital in Phoenix. It's not a 100% done deal yet. He still has to pass the drug screen/background check, so we should find out for sure the beginning on next week. We are excited because: 1- it pays more, 2- it has WAY better benefits, and 3- we would be near all our family we love and miss.

When I was on the phone with my dad talking about it, my mom was in the background saying how she will never come visit me if I move to Arizona. Really? Like I am so stupid I am going to believe that you are going to deprive yourself of 7 grandchildren because we're doing something you don't approve of. The biggest reason she doesn't think we should move? She doesn't think the kids should have to change schools. Well, I understand that it sucks that they would have to leave a school that we all love, but I wouldn't do it unless John and I felt like it was the right decision for our family. Also, we're not moving right away. John was offered 2 start dates, and accepted the date of November 1st. However, WE will not be heading down there then, just he will. There are 2 reasons for this. 1- Tyler got put into a really great 9 week behavior management program, and it starts next Monday and doesn't end until right before Thanksgiving. 2- Unless we find a house that we feel is THE house that we need to be in, we are considering having John commute while I stay here and allow the kids to finish the school year where they are. I know that would be a really tough sacrifice, but we think we can do it if we feel like that is what we should do. He will be working 4 10's, so it will be doable. Hard, but doable.

We have found a house that we love. It could possibly be THE house, but there are 2 other families that are interested in it. They are going to make a decision and let us know the beginning of next week. It is HUGE (bigger than the house we're in now), 30 minutes from John's new job, one house away from a huge park, across the street from a really great elementary school, in a really awesome and largely lds area, and we would be able to assume the loan held by the current owners. Not a lease option, it would be OURS! That would be a huge blessing because we would like to find somewhere to stay put, but we couldn't qualify for a loan right now. It is perfect for us though, so I am trying to pray and hope for it, without getting my hopes up too much and getting too attached. We'll see how that goes. . .

Family

All my life it seems, I have struggled trying to find the balance between living my life the way I wanted and desperately seeking my parents approval. While I feel like I am much closer to the first, I think that I am coming to terms with the fact that the latter is something that is just never going to happen. No matter what decision I have made in my life, my parents have always been there to second guess me and tell me what a huge mistake I was making. And yes, sometimes they were right, but the thing is they are my mistakes to make. Would it be so bad to just be supportive? To say, I don't think it's the best choice, but I am going to support you and be here for you? Apparently the answer is yes, because it is something they are just not capable of doing. Not for me anyway.

Take our (hopefully) upcoming move to Arizona as an example:

I think the number one reason it makes me mad that they are acting this way about the move is that this move would put me right near almost ALL my extended family on BOTH sides of my family. Both of my sets of grandparents are alive and live in Phoenix, within 5 minutes of each other. All my aunts and uncles except one live there, and the majority of my cousins live there. It's like my parents are mad at me for wanting my own family in my life. I know that they think that I have some fairytale dream of what it will be like to live near my grandparents, and that I am in for a rude awakening when I try to spend time with them and they are failing in health and I have 7 kids ages 12 down to 1. I don't; I am trying to be realistic about it. I am sure that there will be times that they are too tired or worn out to deal with having my whole family around. I also know that I have 5 kids in school, and there will be opportunities for me to spend time with them with my 2 younger (quieter) children. I will have opportunities to help them and serve them, and let them know how much I love them.

The thing is, I don't want to miss out on any more time with them. I don't want my kids to miss out on knowing who they are, and what amazing people they are. I am trying to do the opposite of what my parents did to me. See, I grew up in Arizona. I lived there until I was 9, and then smack dab in the middle of the school year my parents ripped us away from my entire family to transplant us in the Bay Area where we had no family and knew no one, because of a job my dad got. I feel like I have spent the last 21 years missing out on the close relationships that all my other family members that still live in Arizona have, because they have all been together all this time. I don't want to lose any more time. If it means I have to move 10 hours away and go bake in 120 degree heat, then so be it. Life is too short to miss out on spending it with the most important people in your life.

Man, I was looking at one of my friends blogs and it said that I hadn't posted anything new in 2 months! So much for getting better at this. I will try and get new updates soon! I have lots to post about, especially Hayden's first birthday!

Camren turns 8!

Camren turned 8 on the first, but we didn't end up doing anything because we were so busy getting ready to go to Idaho the next day. Instead, I shopped before we left and we planned to have a surprise party for him while we were at Hailee and Alan's house. He had no idea, and we all had a blast! I can't believe he is already 8! It seems like just yesterday John and I were getting married and he was only 2. Boy how time flies!

The awesome cake

Oooh! Presesnts!

Still stunned, not sure what's going on.

Just a little excited. hehe!

Magic Tree House books are a favorite around here.

Happy for more Bionicles

If you can't tell, cars are pretty much his favorite thing ever

Oooh! Another Bionicle!

Getting sung to

My kids love to lick the frosting off all the candles

The big, blue, toothless grin says it all

4th of July - A Day Early

Since this year the 4th of July fell on a Sunday, of course all the celebrations were held on Saturday. (At least they were in Idaho, and back home in Utah) We decided to drive out to Melba to see fireworks, since they are supposed to be some of the best in the state. I have to say they didn't disappoint. They had probably the best fireworks I have seen since Hailey was 1 1/2. We had a blast hanging out on the lawn talking and eating pizza, and of course taking tons of adorable pictures. Here are some of my favorites. Enjoy!

My totally adorable kids.

Hailee and Alan and the boys.

John being a wierdo in Hayden's sunglasses.

Hayden wasn't thrilled with the fireworks. This is before he started screaming his face off.

Me and Hayden hanging out.

Boating Fun

We had SO much fun out on the boat with our friends!! The kids had a blast out on the tube and the taco, but I think Alan had more fun than anyone. Ha ha! He was like the biggest kid of them all! We were able to spend several hours out just blasting the radio and flinging Alan and the kids all over the lake. Hayden had a blast on his first boat ride. He was bouncing up and down and waving his arms everywhere. He was so excited. He made it through almost the whole trip, before he passed out sitting up from exhaustion. It was so cute!

I let my daughter take my picture. I guess it's as decent as it can be with me in it.

Hailee with her cute boys, Hunter and Jaxon.

Alan and the girls on the taco.

Pulling the tube and the taco.

All the kids (minus Camren).

John and Hayden (they're not really red, we had the bimini top up)

Me and Hayden.

Excuses and Idaho

Man. So it seems like every time I make plans to update my blog it goes like this:

Me: ooh! look! I did a couple new posts! Only 5 billion more and I will be all caught up! Go me!

Internet: oh Michele . . . . someone posted something new on facebook!

Me: ooh! what is it?

Internet: oh, and you're people are starving in your cafe, and there's a sale at Gymboree and you might want to check out craigslist and ksl while you're at it.

And there goes another 3 days of my life I will never get back.

At least this time I actually had an excuse. We went to Idaho for the weekend. We left the 2nd, and got home the 5th. We spent time with our best friends, Hailee and Alan, and had a TON of fun! Idaho was beautiful, and it was nice to be with friends. We went to amazing fireworks, we had a surprise birthday party for Camren, we took the boat out, and we just spent time lying around talking and eating double stuff oreos and diet coke. It was awesome and I wish I didn't have to come home.

Although I love Utah, it is lonely here. My parents are in California, and while I would LOVE to live right by them, I have NO desire to live in California again. I have friends here, but not ones that we hang out with and do stuff together with as a couple or family. It was so nice to be in Idaho. John even applied for a few jobs out there after we got back, because we liked it there so much. I don't know if anything will come of it, but it would just be nice to live somewhere where we had friends that we could hang out with all the time and do stuff with. Like hang out at each other's houses, and go camping and boating together, and just do stuff together. I know that it sounds crazy to think that we would move to Idaho because of friends, but it's nice to know that I would seriously have someone that I could hang out every day with. I don't have anyone like that now, and it gets really lonely.

Wow, well this post got really depressing all of the sudden and I didn't mean for it to. Anyway, our trip was freakin awesome and I will do more posts - with pictures in a minute.

Gratuitous Hayden Pic

So it's getting late (or early), and I'm actually getting a little tired, but I couldn't leave without posting a picture of the cutest baby alive. His hair is starting to curl now. It is so adorable I can't bear to cut it. I told John maybe when he turns one I will cut it. I'm not going to be one of those moms that let's their little boy look like a girl, but he still has a while before I have to worry about that. And oh those cute, chubby little cheeks! I swear I could eat those cheeks all day long! I can't believe he is going to be 10 months old on Sunday! Boy has the time flown by. I wish I could keep him little forever!

I will post some of the other kids later on today when I come back to do some more updating.

Singing

So I went and checked out a new vocal coach last week. I was a little nervous because it had been a while since I quit working with my last one. I am shy (hard to believe for the people that know me) and I have a hard time warming up to people. So add that to my nerve wracking stage fright, and I thought I was going to die going in to my session. Ha ha! Luckily I went and everything was fine. The teacher was awesome! In just one lesson I could already see a difference because I was able to make it to a high A flat without straining. It has really frustrated me that it is totally true that you have to either use it or lose it. In school, I sang first soprano, sometimes I even sang the descant. But then I discovered that I loved singing alto, because I loved harmonizing and it was a change from what I had been doing for years. So after years of not using my higher register, and enjoying the harmonies, the higher end of my range is almost non-existing. So, the teacher I saw teaches SLS, which is Speech Level Singing. Basically, it uses methods to strengthen your vocal chords and teach your larynx to stay down while you're singing so you can belt the higher notes without the strain you would usually get. In one session I could see a major difference. So I am planning on working with her, at least for the summer. She isn't too busy right now since it's summer, so she offered to charge me 1/2 price. Since she is one of the top vocal coaches in the state, that is too good of an offer to pass up! She has a lot of connections in the music industry, and also teaches classes on performance and getting over stage fright. The goal is to get performing locally, and then go from there. So I will have to keep you posted on what's going on with that. In the mean time, I am excited to be getting back to doing what I love more than anything.

Updating

Man, I have just gotten so far behind on here. It's hard because I have let it get so overwhelming that I will come on here with the intention of getting things updated, but then I get on here and realize just how far behind I am and it's like paralyzing. So for now I am just going to take baby steps, keeping up to date now, and I will try to get the older stuff caught up when I can. And if it doesn't happen, I will try not to beat myself up about it.

Party Pics

So, a little after birthday party post. I had a bunch of fun stuff planned for the day. First, while he was at work we decorated the house and porch, and I made carrot cake. When he got home, we surprised him and had cake and presents. He loved the 2 terabyte external hard drive that I got him, and he was totally surprised and didn't suspect anything. I arranged like a week ahead of time, for my ex sis in law to watch the kids, and John and I went to Tucanos and then went to see 'How To Train Your Dragon" in 3D. I know some people may think that's dorky, but it was actually really good and nothing else in the theater sounded good, or it was rated R. Anyway, it was fun to get to go out alone on a date for once.

Porch all decorated (ignore the Christmas lights. haha)

Ready to open presents.

Yay, the external hard drive I wanted!

Hamming it up like a dork.

Attacking the cake.

He really did take a bite out of the corner. Haha! He was totally hamming it up the whole time. I took tons of pictures, too many to post here, and even though he acted like his birthday wasn't a big deal I could tell that he was totally soaking up all the attention. I swear men are just over sized little boys. :)

John's Birthday - Car Pics

Here are some pics of what I did to John's car. I had fun doing it, and even though he said he thought it was dorky/embarrassing, I could tell that he really did enjoy it and just didn't want to admit it.

John's 33 Today

Today is my husband's birthday. He turned 33. I have been torturing him the last few days about how he is getting so old. haha! Today is going to be so fun because he totally thinks I don't have anything planned. I started last night by getting a car marker, and writing all over his car windows. I put Happy Birthday, and Honk! It's My Birthday Today, Birthday Boy, and I Love You all over all the windows. Then I got a big bag of balloons and blew them up and filled his car with them. I hope he liked it. I haven't gotten to talk to him today, 'cause he's been in surgery (working) all day. I also have fun planned for tonight. I am SOO excited because he has NO idea!! I have overheard him tell several people that he didn't think we were doing anything and that as far as he knew I didn't have anything planned. That's right, as far as he knows. Hahaha! I have had a babysitter lined up for like a week, and we are going to dinner and a movie sans kids. I am super excited. 1 - because he has NO idea, and 2 - because we rarely, if ever, get a night out alone. I also bought him an external hard drive he has been wanting to get for a while. He tried to buy it a couple weeks ago while we were at the store and I had to be like NO! let's just wait a while longer and think about it! Ugh, so close!

Anyway, I also made carrot cake (which is cooling so I can decorate it) and I got Happy Birthday decorations to put up before he gets home. The kids are cleaning right now to get ready to decorate, since he gets off in a couple hours. I figured we will do cake and stuff with him when he gets off work, and then Jessica (my babysitter/ex sister in law) will get here in time for us to leave at 5. I am thinking of going to Tucanos and then hitting the movie theater that is nearby. I still plan on taking Hayden, since he thinks he needs a boob all the time, but I am hoping to just take him to dinner and then drop him off before the movie so he can go to bed. We'll see how that goes. He is hard to part with, for me not him. Haha!

I hope that he has a great birthday today. I have been working on it for a while. I love him so much and I am so glad that we are together. He makes me happy, and always has me laughing.

I haven't forgotten to do part 2 of the Easter posting. I just haven't had time, since I will have to add a bunch of pictures. So I will get to it after this weekend is over.

Crazy Goings On

Man, things have been crazy around here! The kids had spring break this week. I only had 5 kids for the week (which doesn't sound like only, unless you have 7. ha!) because I sent Hailey and Tyler to their Grandma Sandy's house for the week. They have been gone since Tuesday. I have to say it is amazing how much quieter it is with the 2 of them gone, and with Tyler not here to be a jerk to his brothers. It has been nice, but I am ready for them to come back. They were supposed to come back tonight, but they will be back tomorrow some time. Dave called and asked if they could bring them back tomorrow. Jessica was supposed to bring them today when she came to sleep over and watch the kids while John and I are in class tomorrow morning, but she forgot that she had ACTs tomorrow. So now Chris is coming to watch the kids, and the kids will be home sometime tomorrow.

Also, while the kids have been off 3 of them have been sick. All week Brooklyn, Camren and Amelia have had fevers and been complaining of stomach pain. Not nausea, just their stomach hurts. Hopefully they will be feeling better by Monday. I guess it's lucky that Austin and Hayden didn't get sick too. I'm just glad that I didn't get sick. With school and all the kids, I just don't have time for it!

It is almost the end of the semester at school. Although I am excited that it is almost over - ok that my math class is almost over - I am going crazy from all the end of semester work that I have to do. Just this weekend I have to finish 4 math chapters, math final review, 3 page literature paper for humanities, and a 1500 word argumentative essay for english. On top of that I need to finish up my sociology class. It's enough to make me want to pull out my hair! I am just relieved that I am getting good grades! I have A's in everything except math, which I have a B in. I am ok with that. It is my worst subject, and lately it has gotten hard enough that I thought I might end up with a C. However I got my current grade today, and it was 88%, so almost an A. If I can do great on my chapter 9 quiz, and my final, I might be able to get an A after all! I am keeping my fingers crossed!

Also to do this weekend: Brooklyn's birthday. She will be 7 on Sunday! I can't even believe it! I am excited because Jacob and Natalie are coming down tomorrow, and they will be coming over Sunday. I haven't told Brooklyn because I thought it would be more fun as a surprise. We don't have a lot of money right now since John's work has cancelled him so many times recently. This week he only worked 2 days! Lame. They keep saying that they don't have enough cases. I told John that they should make all the scrub techs salaried, because it's not fair that they're not making their 40 hours because the surgery center is not getting enough surgeries scheduled. Grrr! It's so frustrating. John has still been looking at jobs back out in California, but I really don't want to move out there so I hope that something works out with his work soon!

The House Hunt Continues

We are going out to Lehi to look at a house tomorrow. We have been told that we can have the house we wanted in Bluffdale. We even negotiated the rent to $150 less than what they were asking. The problem is, they don't want to do a lease for more than 18 months. They are going out of state while the wife has some medial treatment and they don't know how long it will take, but it will be approximately that long. I really want to live out there and get to have a farm, but I don't like the idea of having to move again in a year or so. I couldn't do 18 months, because that would put us at December which is during the school year and right before Christmas. I really would love to have a house on an acre, and all the animals and garden that I could have there, but I don't know if it is going to work for us after all.

We did find another house that we like in Santaquin, but we are still waiting to see if they will come down on the rent. They are asking the same as the Bluffdale house, so we are hoping that they will come down also. It needs some work (paint, finish fencing the back yard) but the owner is willing to provide all the materials if we do the work. He has even agreed to drop $800 off the deposit. Now we just have to see if we can get him to take $150 off the rent. If so, we are going to take it. They are willing to do a 3 year lease, which is what we really want, and the house is perfect for us. It is about 5000 sq. ft. with 8 bedrooms and 4 bathrooms. It has a great layout and is on a 1/2 an acre. It's also just around the corner from the freeway entrance. We met one of the neighbors when he came home and we went to ask how the neighborhood/ward/neighbors were. He said all were great, and that he had grown up in Santaquin (he was about my and John's age). I hope that we figure something out soon.

We still haven't even gotten our landlord to give us a straight answer on the house we're in. Every time we ask him if he's going to renew our lease, or sell the house, or what, he just says we'll talk about it more when the time comes. Hello! This is the time! We have 7 kids, and we can't wait around 'til our lease is over to start looking for a house. We need to get something lined up now. I told John that we will just assume that we are moving, and find another house. In the meantime, John called him and said that we had found another house (we always have the Bluffdale house if we don't find anything else) and that we need to know by Monday if we are going to be able to stay here or not. I think that finally got it through his head that we were serious and need to know now, and he said he would get back to us Monday. I am just so tired of living in limbo. Even if he says we could stay, if the Santaquin house owner agrees to what we want I think we will move anyway. If we do get our lease renewed here, it wouldn't be for another 3 years because he really wants to get rid of the house. We wouldn't get more than a year. So I think it would be better to move now, if we find a house we can move into for 3 years, than stay here for another year and then still have to move. So now we get to continue playing the wait and see game.

We did get another house in Spanish Fork that was really nice and they said they would do 3 years, but I think that would be a last choice, just because the yard was so small. It was like .18 acres. That's like the size of my parent's yard in California! Tiny! But it was a really nice house, in a brand new neighborhood, so if it came down to it, it would be an ok choice. It is about the same distance to John's work as we were when we lived in American Fork. We have been looking in a 30 minute radius around John's work and school, so we won't have awful commutes to either one.

Ugh. That's enough of that! More next week when we figure out what's going on.

House Hunting

So today we went and looked at a couple houses. The first one was in Orem, about 10 minutes away from where we live now. I was hopeful, but the house was HIDEOUS! It seriously needed to be gutted and have a do over. It was disappointing because I have been hopeful that we would find something nearby where we live now.

However, at the next house . . . .

I thought I had died and gone to heaven. It was just about everything I wanted in a house, plus a lot of stuff I have dreamed about having but never hoped to actually find. It is about 20 min. north of here (Bluffdale, near Salt Lake) and it is a little bit of country - in the city. It was love at first sight. It is 4200 sq. feet and 7 bedrooms (which is what we have now), but the best part . . . . . . wait for it . . . IT IS ON OVER AN ACRE!!! WITH ANIMAL RIGHTS!!!

Oh. My. Heck.

Be still my heart, I am in love. Everyone who knows me knows how much I long for a house with property. It is my dream to have a house where I can have cows, chickens, a huge garden, maybe a turkey or two? My husband? Not so much.

*Sidenote: In fact we have a running joke about the chickens. I have been begging to get chickens for the last month, but John keeps saying no because we don't know where we'll be living. So during the day I will randomly text him "CHICKENS!!!" and then he responds with "NO CHICKENS!", and Amelia (4) and I whisper and plot and threaten to bring some home while he's at work. Then one day it was funnier because we learned how to send voice messages to each other. So I sent him a voice message yelling "CHICKENS!!!!" while he was in Wal-Mart. People were probably like, what the heck? Then of course he sent one back to me, "NO CHICKENS!" LOL

Anyway, so what makes this house so great? It has everything I want, but it is 5 minutes from Bangerter and the freeway, and civilization. It already has a chicken coop and a detached garage converted into a barn. I could live in the country without my husband actually having to be in the country. Win win! Now I just have to hope that he agrees. We are supposed to go see a couple more houses between tomorrow and Saturday, but honestly if it were up to me I wouldn't even bother. The only reason we are going to look is because it is a little more expensive than the house we are in now, so he wants to see what else is out there. Of course, I have picked every house we have lived in. So here's to hoping that we continue with that tradition!

*Another side note: On the way home Tyler (11) asked me if we moved there, if he could have a farmer outfit. I was like, what's a farmer outfit. He was like, you know. Overalls, a blue shirt and a hat. LOL! He cracks me up.

Easter Weekend, Pt. 1

The 6 older kids spent the night at Grandma Sandy and Grandpa Dave's house last night. Their aunt Jessica usually spends the night on Fridays and then watches all 7 kids while John and I are at our Saturday morning math classes. However, this weekend she had the Pony Express ride to Salt Lake, so the kids went to grandmas. Hayden didn't get to go of course, since he is only 6 months old and nursing. I asked my friend to watch Hayden while I was at school, but she went to a wedding last night and had her phone on silent. So that means she never woke up. So Hayden ended up going to my Algebra class with me. I was a little nervous about it, but he was great and my teacher and class loved him. It's not something I would make a habit of, since he made it a little hard to take notes. I liked having him with me though, since I miss him while I'm at school.

After school, we headed over to join the kids and Sandy and Dave's house. It was fun. The kids helped out Sandy around the house, since she just recently had surgery on her neck, and I helped make éclairs. In the 12 years that I have known them, eating éclairs has been one of my favorite Easter traditions. I was so excited that this year I got to learn how to make them myself. When Jessica and everyone else got back from Pony Express, she and her best friend Chelsey did an egg hunt for the kids. They had a blast. I was super excited because when I put Hayden out on the front yard, he sat for a really long time for the first time. Before that he had sat, but only for maybe 5 seconds before falling over. Here are a few pics of some of the kids from the egg hunt. :)

Hayden sitting with his egg.

The boys searching the farm for eggs.

Amelia found one on the porch. Love how she's in jammie pants. haha!

Tyler looking over by the goat pen. This picture cracks me up because it looks like the goat is standing on his head.

Brooklyn looking in the back of Jessica's truck.

Injection, Pt. 2

So John had his epidural injection today. It went well, and now we just have to wait and see how it goes. He will have to have another one in 6 weeks and then hopefully he will be doing a lot better, like when he had to do them with his neck.

While he was in surgery I went and got my nails done and took Amelia (and Hayden) to lunch at Sonic. Then right when we were heading back to the hospital, they called and said he was out. Good thing I was right around the corner. While we were gone, my ex-sis in law went to my house so someone would be home when the kids got out of school. I was so grateful because it was last minute notice, because you don't find out what time the surgery is until the afternoon before. I was glad that the kids didn't have to miss school, since it was the last day before spring break.

After we got home, we went and looked at a house out in Mona. I totally loved the house. It was like a model home. It was sooo nice, and huge too. But unfortunately it was like 40 minutes from John's work, and the backyard was huge and not fenced, so John said no way. I will just have to hope that something better comes along.

Random Ramblings of an Insomniac

I can't sleep. It's 2:32 in the morning and I have to get up with the kids at 7 and I am wide awake. I'm talking middle of the day awake. Sigh.

So what do I do? Get on the computer of course. Maybe if I can get all the thoughts out of my head, they will shut up and I can fall asleep. Hey, how's that for wishful thinking.

Most likely culprit? My new medication. Ugh. I just switched to Wellbutrin. I took Paxil - made me feel like a zombie. Effexor - I felt like I was on speed. Or should I say what I THINK it would feel like to be on speed. John was at my dr's appointment and was like, yeah because you have a history of taking speed. Ha! Of course the papers with my new meds say that if I have trouble sleeping it may be because I took them too close to bedtime. Well how was I supposed to know that 7 pm was too close to 2 am? Seriously! Ugh!

So . . . what are some things that are going on . . . . .

I found a house for us to look at tomorrow. It's in Mona. I'm not sure where that is, but according to yahoo maps, it's 30 min away from Provo. Which is as far as I want to live away from John's work. The house is amazing and 2 years old. Then again, it is frustrating to look at houses here when I don't know for sure that we're going to stay here.

I hope we're at least staying the summer because I just registered for my classes and it would suck to have to move because I would probably end up not being able to take summer semester. I'm taking Math 1010 (ugh), Psych 1100, Nutrition 1020, and Bio 1010. I am not happy that I had to sign up for the Nutrition class that is Tues/Thurs. I already have a Friday night class and a Saturday morning class, and I didn't want to be away from home more than that. I got Bio as a telecourse, so that should be easy. I am looking forward to that class, since I have actually watched that class at like 3 am when I couldn't sleep. Hey, I was bored and at least it's educational and surprisingly interesting. Anyway, I am wait listed for the Nutrition online class. I just have to pray and cross my fingers that I get into it. It is going to be an easy class, so I don't want to waste time away from my family to take it in person. In person classes are for, like, math. Which I would fail if I took online. I have thought about just taking 3 classes for summer, but I already have the whole next year of classes planned out so that I can apply to the nursing program next spring. I don't want to have to add it to another packed semester or put off applying to the program over one stupid class. So I may have to suck it up. At least the class is only 'til the middle of July. It's a 10 wk. class I think. But hopefully things will work out the way I want them to. This is what happens when you are just starting school, so you don't have very many credits. You are last to get to register, so the classes you planned on taking are already taken.

What I really want to do is take guitar. In fact I might still take that if I really don't want to be gone 2 nights a week for Nutrition 1020. I could always add it as an online class for another semester if I had to, since it will be an easy class. I told John that I really want to take guitar, and that I was going to use some of my grant to buy myself a nicer guitar. Yes I have one, but I don't think it would be adequate for taking a class. Anyway, he rolled his eyes at me. Then he was talking about my singing and doing something with that and I was like - hey, remember what I just said about guitar?? He was like you don't need to play guitar to sing. True, but it would help me with my song writing. I can hear the music in my head, but it's not piano music so it never comes across right. I think if I could play guitar I would be able to actually get it out the way I want to. So we shall see . . . . After all, I think I should be able to take one fun class. I will get in the guitar and voice classes I want to take at some point. I have a whole list of classes I want to take for fun. Just because they sound interesting and I like learning things. I will probably still be taking classes when my kids are in college. Ha!

Man, I just caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror (my bed is opposite the master bath, and the huge mirror over the vanity) and yikes! Hello lion from the Wizard of Oz, and what did you do with Michele?? That's what I get for letting my hair air dry and have a break from the hair dryer. I am SO going to have to do something about that in the morning.

John has been doing the HCG diet. He has been naughty and not followed it completely, but he has still averaged 14 lbs in a week. However, I lost 6 and I didn't starve or have to give myself injections. I just started eating more salad and less crap. Hmmm, funny how that works. I have a supply of it so I can try it, but I can't do it until Hayden is done nursing. Which won't be any time soon. He is a little fatty, and I'm pretty sure he would be content to nurse 24/7 if he could get me to agree with it. Sorry, but no. There is a reason I made sure he had a binky from day one. After Brooklyn and Amelia not taking one, I will be a human pacifier no more!

Lately I have wanted to get my nose pierced. Just a little diamond stud. Dumb, right? But I have always wanted to and I just want to do it to see how it would look, so I can have done it. Even if I don't keep it in. I seriously think about it all day. Maybe I am having a age 30 crisis. LOL! I just want to try it just to try it, so I can tell myself I did it. I figure I wanted my tattoo for like 6 years before I got it, and I still like it 12 years later. My mom said I would be sorry, but so far so good. I have wanted to pierce my nose about that long. Just never had the guts to do it. I watched a video of it on youtube. It looks like it hurts like a mother. But I just want to try it, just to see. I don't know though. John doesn't like it, but I know tons of people who have it done and I think it's really hot. If my family is reading this, just don't even start. This is my blog and I can think out loud about whatever I want if I want to. And I am 30 and my own boss. The End.

Ok, well now that I got some of that craziness out of my head I am going to try and go to sleep. After all it's 3 and I have to get up in 4 hours. At least after the kids leave for school I can go back to sleep for a little bit. Maybe. Maybe not since I have to go to Salt Lake. Well, I better get a nap then. I guess I better take my meds now, so I can take the second dose in the early afternoon. Hope that helps. At least so far I'm not feeling all jittery and hyped up, like I did with the Effexor. Now let's just hope for some sleep!

Injection

So, tomorrow - well I guess it is today - John is getting his epidural steroid injection in his back. It is #1 of 2. It is to help with his herniated disk in his back from getting hit (in his car) by a UTA bus. morons. Anyway, I am nervous even though he has done this before (2 years ago when he got injured at work catching a falling patient) but it doesn't make me less nervous. I just don't like any type of medical procedures. period. I told Amelia we will get our nails done while we are waiting. She is super excited. There is a place in Salt Lake that I have been wanting to go to that's really good, and it's 9 min. away from IMC. Plus, it will help take my mind off it, so I'm not stressing myself to death over what is really not a big deal. But it's my husband, so it is anyway.

School

So I said I would post about school at some point, so here it goes.

John and I had been talking about going back to school for quite a while now. In fact, I have wanted to go back to school ever since I had Hailey, but my ex-husband was totally NOT supportive of that. And then when I was divorced it was just too hard with a new baby and a 3 year old. So for the last 5 years that John and I have been married I have been trying to talk him into going back to school. I know how gifted he is in the OR, and he gets told that all the time by the surgeons he works with. He is certified in suturing, and the DR.'s let him do work for him all the time and tell him how immaculate his work is. I kept telling him how he was wasting his gift, and that people could be benefiting from it and so on. It has become a joke between us, because of that scripture that talks about the servant that buried his talent. I tell him that he is burying his talent, and that Heavenly Father is going to take it away because he 's not using it. He tells me the same thing about my singing. Haha!

So this past December we started talking about it seriously. We checked it out, and went over to UVU and decided to enroll. So this January we both started school, he in pre-med and me in pre-nursing. We decided to just go year round and get it over with, so that we could finish school as quickly as possible. At that point, I will be done with school and ready to get into the work field just as John is ready to start med school. Which would be perfect timing, because it would be impossible for him to work full time and do med school, and then residency. So our plan is for me to work nights (which I would prefer because I am more awake at night, and it pays more) and he will take classes during the day. At that point the only child not in school will be Hayden, unless we have our one more baby. (Yes, I know that people think that's crazy, but I also know there is one more baby waiting for us. I have seen him and I know his name. Enough said.) Anyway, we will make it work.

I am SUPER excited to finally be working towards my BSN!! I have wanted to do this my entire life. I even have an essay I wrote in 7th grade, and the whole thing is about how I wanted to be a nurse in the NICU with all the little babies. And today? Yep, still want to do the same thing. Yeah I still work on my singing. I am in talks with a band to be their lead singer, and I sang in Sacrament Meeting earlier this month. But I honestly don't believe that it is something that I will become famous for or anything, and being a NICU nurse has been a lifelong dream of mine. And if I can squeeze in singing gigs on the side, then even better. I have been working my butt off, and as of now I have straight A's. After I finish school. I plan on going back and getting my Masters (MSN). I tell everyone I know that if I can do it, so can they. I have friends who want to go back to school, but don't think they can do it. Well if I can be a mom of 7 kids under 12, and go to school full time and get all A's, then I know they can do it too.

Things That Make Me Go AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!

Sometimes I just want to scream. Like when I find out that the house we are living in (and totally LOVE) is not going to be our home for much longer, because the owner wants to sell it. We found out in February, but I am still irritated about it. We have looked at tons of houses on ksl and craigslist, but I haven't found anything that even made me want to make the effort to go look at. Why? Because I haven't seen one house that I like anywhere near as much as the house we're in. I keep hoping that the owner will change his mind. He had the house up for sale, but took it off the market when we moved in. We signed a lease until the end of May, and then agreed that we would re-evaluate at that point to decide if we wanted to sign a longer lease. What he failed to mention was the little fact that he might not want to re-lease the house, because he would really rather sell it than keep renting it. I love where we live. The house is old, but awesome. Perfect for our family of 9, with 4400 sq. ft. and 7 bedrooms, and a huge fenced yard. It's in a cul-de-sac, and right down the street from the elementary school. My kids love that because I let them walk, and they feel so grown up. Little do they know I'm the one really enjoying it because I don't have to pack up Amelia and Hayden to drive 20 ft. down the street to go get them. Our landlord says he wants to wait til closer to the end of our lease, and then discuss things then. I am hoping by then he will decide to let us stay.

Other things that want to make me scream? My husband. Well, I guess he's not a thing, but you know what I mean. Why? Because he decides maybe the fact that we can't stay in the house means we should try moving back to California. Never mind that I don't WANT to move back, I love Utah! Never mind that I just signed up for my second semester of school, and have my whole 2010-11 school year planned out so that I will be ready to apply to UVU's nursing program next spring. He tells me I can just transfer somewhere. Grrr! He has already applied at a couple places that will definitely want him, and is working on possibly going back to Kaiser - who would LOVE to get him back. Ugh! I feel like calling them and telling them to tell him they don't want him. Ok, not really. But I want to stay here. On one hand it would be nice. I miss my family, and I like the idea that maybe me and my mom could hang out and do stuff together while the kids were in school. Assuming that I could pry her out of bed before they got out. Haha! On the other hand, I love living in Utah. I really like how the church is all around. I like the school I am going to, and I don't want to transfer when I would most likely have to transfer to a community college because the Bay Area doesn't have any universities with open enrollment. I like being near my ex-husband's family. Even though I would love to be near my own family, I love getting to be near Dave and Sandy and all their family. I may be divorced from their son, but I love them and the rest of their family like they were my own, and I love getting to be around them and do stuff with them.

While I wait to see what we are going to end up doing, I have been looking at houses; both in the East Bay and in Utah. I feel discouraged about staying here because I haven't found anything and time is running out. It is really hard to find something that will work for a family this size. Also we have the issue with John's work, which prompted the search for a job in California in the first place. He works for a same day surgery center, and they haven't been very busy. That translates into John getting his hours cut. Last week he was cancelled twice. On his last paycheck he worked about 24 hours in a week, well below his regular 40+ hours. It is so frustrating. So he started looking for another job, and found one in CA, out in Novato that would be 5 12 hour shifts, and almost triple our income. So I guess I really can't complain, because it would be nice with 7 kids to not have to worry about money. I am just so tired of moving, and since I know that we are already going to have to move in 3 years for John to go to med school, I would rather not move until then. All I can say is, once we get the job/housing situation settled, I am SO signing a 3 year lease so I can finish school in one place before I have to move again. Also, I want the kids to be able to stay somewhere for more than a year. The older kids are in 3-5th grade, and they have never gone to the same school two years in a row! That is just insane! I just hope we get something figured out soon. I hate this being in limbo, waiting to figure out what we're going to do.