Happy 2nd Birthday Hayden!

I can't believe my baby boy is 2! Where has all the time gone? He is just getting cuter by the hour, and although it makes me sad that he's not a little baby anymore, I still just can't get enough of him. I just love him so much I just can't take it! The little boy I never thought I would have. Sometimes I think I love him a little too much, if that's possible. I just want to hug and kiss him and squeeze his guts every chance I get.

It was fun to get to have my parents here for his birthday, but I was enjoying Hayden so much I forgot to take any pictures of him with them like I had planned. Lame, I know. I had planned on taking a picture of him with John and I too, but having a new baby and NOT having had a shower very recently, I smartly opted to just let John be in the pics.

He had a ton of fun playing with everything he got and eating "CAKE!". It has to be all caps, with an exclamation point, because that's how he says it every single time. Hilarious! I'm glad he liked it, because once again I tried my lame hand at cake making. I don't know that I am getting any better, but the kids like it so I guess that's good enough for me.

The birthday cake. He was super excited because it had a car on it. :)

Hmmm, and which one should be first?

Hello? Is anyone there?

Way excited, because the puzzle makes sounds when you play with it.

"Helping" dad because he wasn't getting it together fast enough!

Playing with his cool new track that's almost as big as he is.

A firehouse and truck. Fire trucks are his favorite thing ever.

Cute dinosaur puzzle. Hayden calls them "Roar's". hehe

He sang to himself while he was getting sung to. He loves singing the birthday song.

Finally! CAKE!

Grandpa and Avery

I just thought this picture of my dad and Avery was so cute. I love my dad so much! I might not be a little kid anymore, but he is still my hero and I still look up to him just as much as ever. I am so happy that Avery will have a chance to have someone who is such a great person and an amazing example to me, as her grandpa.

Trying to eat Grandpa.

Looking adorable.

Meet The Grandparents

My parents came over today to meet Avery for the first time. They were so excited. I am a little worried now that they might think that they get to keep her. Ha! ;)

I love watching my parents with my kids. I don't know what it is, but something about watching my kids snuggle with and get loves from my parents just makes me infinitely happy. Maybe it's because my parents were/are so lovey with me that I know how happy I feel when it's me.

Visiting with Grandpa Steve.

Sleeping on Grandma Lisa while she was on the phone with her sister.

Snuggling on the couch with Grandma and Grandpa :)

What's In A Name?

So I just wanted to do a quick little post about Avery's name. I had decided on the middle name Joy as soon as I knew she was a girl. It's my mom's middle name, and I have always loved it and wanted part of her name to be after my mom since I am so close to her.

However, it took FOREVER to come up with her first name, and for a while I was worried that she was going to be born and we still wouldn't be able to come up with one. Well, on Sunday, Aug. 28, I was lying in bed sick and just thinking about what we were going to name her. John and I had gone over and over the list of names I had come up with, and while we liked several of them, none of them had stood out as "The One". You know, the name that you come across and there's that little "Aha" moment where you realize that's it. Well after thinking and looking at my list, I was feeling really discouraged so I finally decided I should pray about it (Duh!). I started telling my Heavenly Father how there were several names that I liked, but none of them felt like her name and I was worried I wasn't going to figure out what her name was supposed to be. Almost immediately, the thought came to me "Her name is Avery". I almost started crying because I felt such peace and relief that I finally knew what her name was. The funny thing was, when I was on the phone with my mom on the drive to the hospital Monday night, I told her we finally knew what we were going to name her. She asked me what, and I said Avery. My mom said "Avery! That's the name I was trying to remember when I talked to you the other day!" I said, well I guess she really was meant to be Avery. Funny how things work out. Now when I look at her, I can't imagine having named her anything else. While I really liked the other names on my list, she is most definitely Avery.

Avery Joy

On August 29th, my water broke around 5pm. After taking time to shower and get ready, John and I left for the hospital around 6pm. Luckily a friend from my ward was able to bring her kids and come and stay at my house with mine. When I got to the hospital, they gave me the option of walking to get my contractions going more, or to start Pitocin. Since I knew from 4 previous births that I was going to have to have the Pitocin at some point anyway, I decided to go ahead and start it right away. I didn't see any point in making myself more tired by walking for hours, when I hadn't slept the night before. After checking me to make sure my water was really broken, they admitted me and the pitocin was started around 8pm.

I had planned on trying to go natural, since I felt like I missed out when I couldn't with Hayden, but after about 3 hours I went for the epidural. I really missed having my bff Emily there with me, because I felt like if she'd been there I would have been able to make it, since I wasn't in labor very long. After getting the epidural, I was able to relax and get a little rest. Then, I turned onto my left side because the epidural was wearing off on that side, and just like when I had Amelia and Hayden, lying on my side did the trick. I went from about a 6 to complete in about 5 minutes or less. I was so happy to finally be able to get this baby here! One contraction later, Avery Joy joined our family on August 30th at 2:20am. She weighed in at 7 lbs. 5 oz., and was 19.5 inches long. She is so tiny and beautiful! I am so happy to finally have her here! Babies are WAY more fun on the outside, where you can kiss and snuggle them. (and they aren't kicking you in your ribs and giving your killer heartburn) The kids were so excited to come and see her, and I can already tell there is going to be lots of fighting over whose turn it is to have her. I told her to enjoy her time at the hospital, because once we went home she was never going to have a minute of peace again.

Welcome to the family Avery! We couldn't be more thrilled to have you here. :)

First picture with Mommy and Daddy

First bath (she LOVED every minute of it)

All bundled up in her hospital crib

Naked babies are the cutest thing on Earth

In her cow seat, all ready to go home

My Grandma

Today my Grandma Greer had cancer surgery. It has been really stressful knowing that she was going to have to have it, and I am glad that everything went great. I am so thankful that she had her surgery not only at one of the top cancer hospitals in the world, but at the hospital my husband works at. John was able to go back with her and keep her company until she went to sleep. He couldn't stay for the actual surgery, since you're not allowed to operate on people you're related to. It was nice being able to get updates from him throughout the day on how her case was going, and what was going on.

I know this is an older picture from Christmas, but I just think it's a really cute one. :)

John told me a really cute story. He said that before my grandma got put under she was saying she wished she could have a little drink of something to wet her lips. Of course, he told her they couldn't allow that. Then he told my grandpa that he should wet his lips, and give her a big wet kiss to help her out. And he did! Haha! My grandparents are so cute. :)

While it makes me sad that they had to take the nerve along her left side of her jaw when they took the tumor out, I am thankful that she was operated on by one of the best surgeons in the state. John said that they did an amazing job on the closure too, and that it was going to look really good when it is all healed. I am hoping to go visit her in the next day or so. I told her that Hayden and I would come by and visit while the other kids are in school, so it's not too overwhelming. She has to stay there for 10 - 14 days, so I'm glad I live so close so I will be able to stop by periodically and keep her company. (That's assuming I don't have this baby in the near future, but so far it's not looking likely.)

I love my grandma so much. It makes me sad to see my grandparents getting old and frail. I know I am lucky. Most people my age don't still have their grandparents, and I still have all 4. I think it has just been a reality check for me that they won't really be around forever. I know when I was younger I used to joke to my grandma that she couldn't die, because she had to be around for my kids because I didn't want them to miss out on knowing her. Now with all the health issues she has, and the fact that she is losing her memory, it makes me sad to know that my kids are going to miss out on the amazing grandma that I knew. The one that used to tell me all the cool storied about when she was a little girl, and stories about my mom, and sing songs to me all the time. There is one song that she sang all the time, an Irish lullaby, and I have sung it to all my kids all the time since they were born. I want to pass stuff on to them like that. So they can sing it to their kids one day, even though they missed out on hearing it from my grandma. I miss being able to sit and talk to my grandma for hours about just anything. I know that I can sit and talk with her now, but it's not the same. She's not that same person anymore, and she gets confused or doesn't remember stuff all the time. She is excited about the baby though. It was nice to have her rub my stomach and talk to her while I was over last night. She was really excited to know that she's a girl, and that I will bring her over as soon as I have her and I can come over.

I'm glad that we went over there last night, before she had her surgery today. I wasn't going to, because I didn't want to stress her out with all the kids like my extended family seems to keep insisting, but John said I should because she was having major surgery and you never know what will happen. While I was mad that he would say something like that, I'm glad I went over and spent the time with her. It was nice just to see her, and hug and kiss her, and visit for a while. The kids behaved, and I know that she likes seeing them even if she can't always remember who each of them is. She is still so happy to see them and so loving to them. I want them to be able to have some time with her while they can. I am so glad that I pushed John to apply for the job out here and move here. I really feel like this whole cancer ordeal has a lot to do with why we felt we were supposed to come out here. While the thought of losing her, or any of my other grandparents, scares me, I am thankful that I live so close to all of them now and can get as much time with them as I can while I can. And I'm thankful to know that no matter what happens, after this life we will have all of eternity to be together.

Today is turning out to be a hard day. I feel bad for Hayden being home with me while the other 6 kids are at school, because my depression is just sucking the life out of me. This morning I just talked to a friend on skype, while I sat on the floor with Hayden and he played with some cars. I guess I can't really say I was talking to my friend. More like I had her on skype (without my video on) and was halfheartedly listening to her talk while I sat there. I didn't really have anything to say, and I didn't particularly want to talk, but I didn't want to be like hey I don't feel like talking or listening to you.

I feel like I could just sit here crying and doing nothing for hours. I am trying to hold it together and act normal, because Hayden and Amelia are eating lunch and I figure I can be a whack job while they're napping, without freaking anyone else out. I really hate this. I am in my last few weeks of this pregnancy, and I just want to be enjoying getting ready for this little girl to get here. Instead I feel like I'm sitting around like a zombie. Her room is still untouched, other than curtains and a crib. Her dresser is still sitting out in the landing in the upstairs hall, waiting for me to want to paint it. Her clothes are still sitting in laundry baskets in my bedroom, folded with the tags still on. It makes me sad, because with all my other kids I was set up and 100% ready by like 7 months, and here I am at almost 37 weeks and not only do I not have everything ready, I just don't care. I have no energy/motivation to do anything. I was talking to my friend, and she asked me if I was going to have John break my water at 37 weeks like we did with Amelia and Hayden. (Before anyone freaks out, my husband is a surgical tech and worked in L&D for over 7 years, and delivered babies/assisted in c-sections all day, every day) I told her what's the point. I don't care when I have her, because I don't have anything to do with my kids when I go to the hospital. While I really don't want to have her term (because John starts school 2 days before my due date) between the depression, and the lack of anyone to watch my kids, I just don't care. I'm not ready for her to be here anyway. As much as I have been exhausted and in pain, I just don't feel like things will be better after she's born. I mean, if things are going so bad now, I can just assume they're going to be worse post partum, right? Because right now I'm not even excited for her to be born, and that's just making me more sad.