Family

All my life it seems, I have struggled trying to find the balance between living my life the way I wanted and desperately seeking my parents approval. While I feel like I am much closer to the first, I think that I am coming to terms with the fact that the latter is something that is just never going to happen. No matter what decision I have made in my life, my parents have always been there to second guess me and tell me what a huge mistake I was making. And yes, sometimes they were right, but the thing is they are my mistakes to make. Would it be so bad to just be supportive? To say, I don't think it's the best choice, but I am going to support you and be here for you? Apparently the answer is yes, because it is something they are just not capable of doing. Not for me anyway.

Take our (hopefully) upcoming move to Arizona as an example:

I think the number one reason it makes me mad that they are acting this way about the move is that this move would put me right near almost ALL my extended family on BOTH sides of my family. Both of my sets of grandparents are alive and live in Phoenix, within 5 minutes of each other. All my aunts and uncles except one live there, and the majority of my cousins live there. It's like my parents are mad at me for wanting my own family in my life. I know that they think that I have some fairytale dream of what it will be like to live near my grandparents, and that I am in for a rude awakening when I try to spend time with them and they are failing in health and I have 7 kids ages 12 down to 1. I don't; I am trying to be realistic about it. I am sure that there will be times that they are too tired or worn out to deal with having my whole family around. I also know that I have 5 kids in school, and there will be opportunities for me to spend time with them with my 2 younger (quieter) children. I will have opportunities to help them and serve them, and let them know how much I love them.

The thing is, I don't want to miss out on any more time with them. I don't want my kids to miss out on knowing who they are, and what amazing people they are. I am trying to do the opposite of what my parents did to me. See, I grew up in Arizona. I lived there until I was 9, and then smack dab in the middle of the school year my parents ripped us away from my entire family to transplant us in the Bay Area where we had no family and knew no one, because of a job my dad got. I feel like I have spent the last 21 years missing out on the close relationships that all my other family members that still live in Arizona have, because they have all been together all this time. I don't want to lose any more time. If it means I have to move 10 hours away and go bake in 120 degree heat, then so be it. Life is too short to miss out on spending it with the most important people in your life.