Gone

John just called to say that Gma Edna passed away at about 10:50 pm (9:50 AZ time) tonight. He is helping to make arrangements and after he gets home tomorrow night we will head out this weekend for the funeral Sat. I am a little nervous about taking the kids to a funeral. If there is a open casket, there is no way the kids are going in there. I think that would traumatize them and I don't want that to be their last memory of her. I think it would freak them out.

It is a little frustrating that the kids will have to miss a day or 2 of school, but at least it is the first week so you know they aren't really learning anything. I just said that we have to come home Sunday, cause Brooklyn is not going to miss her first day of kindergarten. I guess I better go cause I have 2 days to get everything together, plus we are having Tyler's b-day party that we rescheduled Wed. night.

First Day of School

It is official. I now have 4 kids in school. (Brooklyn doesn't start kindergarten til next Monday). Tyler is in 5th grade, Hailey and Austin are in 3rd grade (diff. classes - yay) and Camren is in 1st grade. So of course I was lame, and totally forgot to take pics of the kids on their first day of school. I will make up for it by taking some cute pics of them and posting them on here.

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I took them to their first day, as is tradition. I like to see them off and kiss them goodbye. I also take them for the first week because I want to make sure that they know where they are going so when they start taking the bus, they can get to their class. They were excited to go, but Camren was the most excited since he now gets to eat lunch at school. I guess that is exciting. I just hope he can manage to not wear his lunch at school, since that is something he still has yet to accomplish at home. :)

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When I picked them up they were all full of excitement over their new classes/teachers/friends. I remember the first day of school when I was younger. Being excited about all the new school stuff ( I still love buying school supplies, and usually manage to get some for me too. lol) being excited to see my friends that I hadn't gotten to see during the summer. Talking to everyone about what they had done all summer. Running around the playground at recess and swinging on the swings or hanging out and talking in the field. I hope my kids enjoy this year and get a lot out of it. I hope they make great childhood friends. I am still friends with some of my grade school friends, including one that I have known since I was 5 and went to school with in Mesa. I hope they learn amazing things they never knew, and go on awesome field trips, and excel at their classes like they did last year. Most of all I hope they continue to grow to be fun, smart, amazing people like they are now and that I will be able to do a good job guiding them as they become the people they are going to be. After all, I'm not raising kids, I'm raising future adults.

Goodbyes

I didn't make it to church cause Amelia wasn't feeling good. It ended up being a good thing. John called (forgetting I was supposed to be at church) and said that his grandma will probably die today. The dr. said that she has bilateral pneumonia (along with other illnesses she already has, like lupus) and her white cell count is way down. He said even if they are able to treat the pneumonia, he feels she will not survive it. Last night my Gma and Gpa Greer went to the hospital and my grandpa gave Edna a blessing. John's family isn't lds, but Edna's husband was at one point in his life. It made me happy to know that my gpa was able to go do that for them and that my gma was able to talk to her and comfort her some. I am glad that she has all her daughters there with her. She is to weak to talk or anything, but we wanted the kids to be able to talk to her. So John put his cell on speakerphone and I put the kids on one at a time to talk to her. I told them to make sure they told her that they loved her and if they wanted to tell her what they had been up to, she would probably like to hear that. It was sad hearing the kids tell her how they will miss her and how they hope she is happy in heaven, but what really broke me down was Austin telling her about starting school tomorrow and he hopes it will be fun - while bawling his eyes out. I had Amelia talk to her, even though she doesn't really get what is going on. I knew Edna would want to hear her sweet little voice. I told John I would call back later cause after listening to all the kids, I wasn't in any position to talk to anyone. After I talked to the kids for a while. I told them how we would be sad that we wouldn't get to see her anymore, but we can also be happy for her because she will get to see her husband who died a long while back and she misses a lot. She will also get to see her parents. I told them that my Gma Greer said that when she thinks about dying she is not sad because she hasn't seen her parents in a very long time and she will be so happy to see them again because she misses them. I am sad that she won't be there at Thanksgiving. We are planning on going down to Phoenix then, since we are both from there and both of our extended families live there. I wish she could have had the chance to see the kids in person one more time. I am thankful that I took pics of her with John and with the kids the last time we were there, so the kid will have those. I feel so helpless. John is so far away and I want to just hold him and comfort him, but I can't. I am just grateful that Edna has her family there with her and that we were all given the chance to talk to her before she passes. I can't imagine losing someone suddenly. Both of my sets of grandparents are still alive. I have never had a family member die. John is calling so I can talk to her so I'm going to go.

Can't Sleep

It is 2am. I have church in 9 hours and I can't sleep.

I have been invited to perform (sing) at a festival that the West Ridge Academy is doing as a fundraiser in October. It is for 4 days, and I would be doing a whole set, which is more than I have done in public so far. Scary. Don't know that I really want to do it cause it is so scary to me. But I will cause I already committed to doing it, so I know that will get me to do it anyway. Already coming up with a list of possible songs. Haven't found out the time slot yet, but I'm hoping that it will be late afternoon/ early evening so I won't have to get a babysitter since John gets home from his new job around 4.

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Can't sleep. Well back to bed to stare through the dark at the ceiling.

I hate not having John home. The house is scary without him. I am such a weenie about being home alone. I hate it. I can't wait til Tuesday.

Sad Ends And New Beginnings.

This morning John's mom called and said that his grandma is dying - probably today. She has wasted away to 60 lbs. (that's less than Hailey) and can't move by herself anymore. It is Tyler's b-day, but I rescheduled everyone for Weds. when my husband will be here. Which worked out better for everyone anyway. I told John he should book a flight and get out there right away. He did and is there now. I feel frustrated and sad. Frustrated, cause I thought that her dr. had changed her meds and supposedly she was "eating everything in sight" according to one of her daughters. How could that be and now she is facing imminent death? I am sad because I couldn't go with him. I am glad that John was able to go and (hopefully) be able to spend time with her and tell her goodbye, but I am stuck here with kids that start school Monday. Plus we couldn't afford to fly or drive our whole family there. She is going to die and I am not even going to be able to talk to her or say goodbye. (She is too weak for the phone)

Thinking about that made me think more about my ex-husband's grandparents. I love them very, very much and they are getting old and failing in health. So, since they both live right by each other and 10 min. from the airport, I decided to stop by and spend some time with them. I want to see them as much as I can and let them have as much time with the kids as they can, while they are still here.

First I went by Anderson's house. I stayed there for a couple hours. They are the ones I am closest to. I love them so much like they were my own grandparents. I lived with them twice during my marriage to my ex husband and they have a special place in my heart. I really enjoyed talking with them and spending time with them.

While I was there I thought a lot about my ex's other grandparents. I hadn't seen or talked to them in 4 years. I was nervous about calling them, because (according to my ex) they didn't want to talk to me or anything. In fact, the last time he saw the girls (oct. 2005) he told me that gma Ensign had asked if she could call and talk to Hailey without having to talk to me. (um no, it is my house and I don't let 5 y.o. answer the phone). And that made me mad cause I had never been anything but nice to them. She had even said after our divorce that she hoped that I would continue our relationship cause my divorce was between my ex and I. So I had high hopes that things would be good. And then that. So I thought I would just drive by and see if I still remembered where they lived. I don't know. I just felt like I should. I did, and they happened to be sitting outside. I drove by, and almost kept going (if these people hate me, why do I want to talk to them?) and then I felt like I should go back. I turned around and parked across the street and went and talked to gma while she was watering. She seemed like she was glad to see me. We talked a few minutes. Then I mentioned that I had the kids in the car, and she was all excited and said to get them out. Then she called her daughter, who has a daughter 2 months younger than Hailey. So the girls also got to see their aunt and cousin. Surprisingly, the whole experience was really enjoyable and we sat there and talked and talked. The kids ran around and played with their cousin. When we had to leave, they asked me to call and visit with them again. Maybe take the kids to the park together. So I will definitely do that. Maybe this is the start of a really good relationship? I am really glad that I went over there and I hope that even though my ex is not a part of my daughters lives, that I will continue to be able to involve the rest of his family.

Child Of Light

Cutest thing ever? Laying in bed with my 2 year old at bedtime and her asking me to sing I Am A Child Of God to her and then asking me to sing it to her again after every verse to make sure that I sang all 4 verses to her instead of being lazy and singing just one. I love how when I am singing she lays there smiling at me and rubbing my cheeks and how she likes to put her hands on my neck while I sing so she can feel me singing. She is such a cutie I can't stand it. One of her favorite songs that I have been singing to her every night is "Child of Light" off my : "The Best Of EFY: 2004-2006 " cd. That whole cd is amazing, but I love the words to this song and singing them to her.

Child of Light

Have you ever wondered who you are

Have you ever wondered as you stare into the stars

Where you began, and how you got this far

from home

Have you ever walked along the shore

Have you ever seen the water dancing back and forth

Did you look inside, to see if there was more

to life

Well there's a dream taking wing

There's a voice that wants to sing

And even in the deepest, darkest night

The torch is raised to the sky, and there are hands that hold it high

You were born to keep it burning bright

You were made to fly

You were meant to shine

Child of Light

You will never ever stand alone

You were never called to bear the burdens on your own

And where there is fear, love will take control

And lead you on

Well there's a dream taking wing

There's a voice that wants to sing

And even in the deepest, darkest night

The torch is raised to the sky, and there are hands that hold it high

You were born to keep it burning bright

You were made to fly

You were meant to shine

Child of Light

The School Schedules Are In

I have to take a minute to vent about the kids school schedules, which I got today. I had asked for my kids to have early schedules (here they have am/ pm schedules like they have in Cali for kindergarten - except they are for all the grades thru 6th) because I wanted to be able to keep going to the gym at my normal time which I couldn't do if Brooklyn had pm kindergarten. So what did they do? Gave all my kids pm schedules - except Austin. What the crap is up with that? They obviously knew he was part of the same family since you fill out all your kids on the same request sheet. So I had to go into the office and point out that I have 5 children attending their school and they need to be on the same track. Duh!! Double Duh!! Unfortunately they are going to switch Austin, cause of course it is easier to switch one than the other 4. So my kids go to school at 9:15 and Brooklyn goes at 12:30. At least they all get out at 3:30 and can ride the bus home together. I guess the one good thing is the way the kids classrooms are laid out from each other. They make a C pattern. Hailey is at the back of the school. So she will get Camren, then they will go get Austin, then they will go get Brooklyn, then they will go get Tyler. That is a rule that I have. They have to wait at their classes and get each other and no one gets on the bus unless they have everyone. I don't want only some of my kids coming home.

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The one thing that I love is the bus. At our other house, the kids had to walk about a mile to get to the bus stop (yes I am mean and made them walk, by themselves) and here the bus picks up 2 houses down from us. Yay! Well, I will take them the first week. I always drop off/ pick up my kids the first week til they are confident they can find their way to their classes themselves. Also gives me time to chat with the teachers and make sure they (and by they, I mean Tyler and Austin) are behaving themselves. Since my kids totally love the bus (something they didn't get to do in CA cause you have to pay like $300 per child. Hello! The school was around the corner from my house!! Literally 3 min. there and back to drive.) I use it as a reward. If you are behaving at school and doing all your work, you get to ride the bus. If not, you have to be taken/ picked up by mom so she can talk to your teacher. Totally works. Had waaaay less problems with Tyler last year than we did in CA. Yay for me being creative. If only they knew that them riding the bus is MY reward cause I don't have to get up early or get dressed. Haha!